While we have only been married for almost 6 years, we think marriage is awesome and we highly recommend it, with just a few caveats. So here they are, 8 reasons to not get married. Oh and kids, this one is a little more PG-13 than usual. Ask your parents if you can keep reading.
1) You aren't in it for life - part of the reason marriage has power is because it's a lifelong commitment. Part of the traditional wedding vows include the phrase "as long as we both shall live." You are telling people publicly that you want to be together forever. If you are only in it for a couple of years or even if you go in thinking, "I'm in as long as it's fun" then don't get married. If you are even thinking "I'm going to work really hard at this and gives it a chance." Marriage isn't for you. Marriage is a lifestyle that you jump into with both feet and submerse yourself in. A marriage built on doubt, with a foundation of fear - fear that at some point you or your spouse is going to mess up so bad that it will all be over, is not a healthy relationship. It must be built on trust - trust that you are both in it for life.
2) You aren't friends - when you are married, you are committing share life with another person. If you two don't get along, getting married is going to trap you in an awful situation. While getting married is awesome, getting married to someone you don't enjoy spending time with is awful. Don't do it.
3) You are already living together - for this group of people, marriage is just a formality. Is the reason you were living together first because you wanted to try the other person out, to make sure you could handle being with them? Now that you know the answer, what does a marriage certificate change? Are you more committed now that you have lived together? Were you seeing if you were "sexually compatible?" Anatomically, if one of you has boy parts and the other has girl parts, you are physically compatible for marriage. But maybe you wanted to make sure the other person had the same sex drive you did. From a physiology standpoint, that's baloney (bologna?) As you go through life, both you and your partner will have different drives in response to so many things; stress, hormones, and life events will all drastically influence that drive. It will not remain a constant thing. If you live together before marriage, just keep doing what you're doing - you don't need marriage.
4) You aren't willing to make compromises. There isn't much to expound upon with this one. If you want to take two people and join them into one, new unit, then there must be some give and take.
5) You aren't willing to grow up - there are two aspects to this one. First, and this is usually an issue for the guys, you aren't willing to leave your mommy and make your wife your number one priority. When you marry, you commit to prioritize your spouse over your parents. Guys, this means that when your mom criticizes your wife, you must stand up for her. When your mom, tells you what to do and it contradicts what you and your wife have already decided on, you must say, "thanks for the input Mom, but we have already made a decision." It's not easy to do, but if you can't do it, then don't get married. The second part of this is that you must accept responsibility. Playing video games every day for 12 hours instead of working is no longer an option. (People who bash on video games are a pet peeve of mine. I am not bashing video games. Anything that reflects a lazy or entitled attitude can be the culprit - from working out 12 hours a day to the neglect of your family, to reading, to playing chess. All these things have their place, but once they become a priority over your spouse, they reflect a lack of maturity). Once you decide to become married, you commit to making your relationship with your spouse a priority. Spending excessive time doing anything else indicates your priorities are focused elsewhere, and you probably aren't ready to be married.
6) You don't share the same religion. This is especially true for Christians. Marrying someone with the intent to convert them is a bad idea and the Bible says don't do it.
7) You think marriage is going to be easy. Marriage is awesome, and it's a lot of fun, but it can be hard work some times. The problems you have before marriage are not automatically cured by a band of gold and some diamonds. You have to be ready to confront some difficult issues and struggle through them. It isn't always that way, but marriage is just like everything else in life - if you want it to be good, it takes work.
8) You or your mate is a zombie - this will not work. Marriage with the undead is just wrong if not downright illegal. Necrophilia (do not google) is just sick.
Comments are appreciated, but if you must use adult language, email my lawyers at mmm.lawteam@gmail.com. Your vitriol is always welcome in their inbox.
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