Just some takeout

I don't know why this cracks me up so much, but I love it.

FInding your purpose in life

Physiology Fridays: Why you seem to pee more when you go to the movies

It's movie season right now, so today's post is both topical and fairly practical. On a very related note, go see "The Avengers", it is amazing. Seriously, stop reading right now, and go see it if you haven't already. It really is that good.

Also, buckle up your seat belts, this is gonna be a long one. But it's totally worth it. Probably.

Anyway, back on topic. When I go to the movies, I get my coke and my salty popcorn, settle into my cushy seat, and prepare to be entertained. Then about 5 minutes into the movie, I feel like I haven't peed in weeks. So I sneak off to the restroom, take care of business and come back. I get all situated and prepare to enjoy the rest of the movie. A half hour later, it hits again. I have to pee so badly I'm considering urinating in my now empty soda cup because I'm not sure I can make it to the bathroom in time. Once again, I creep past everyone else, empty my bladder, and then stumble around blindly trying to find my seat, where I remain for the rest of the movie. When the credits finally role around, I jump out of my chair and bolt for the restroom one last time. And this happens every movie! But why? Let's take a look at the physiology.

There are two major players here in this crazy game of "Don't Wet Your Pants", the first is water. Most of that 32 oz soda I'm guzzling down is water. When water comes in the body, it also must leave. This part is straight forward.

The other player in this dangerous game of "try to leave the movie seat as dry as when I sat down", is sodium. Sodium makes up half of what we call salt. Salt's chemical compound is NaCl, which means that it is made up of equal parts sodium (Na) and chlorine (Cl). And if you are like me, you dump salt all over your popcorn. But sodium isn't just found in salt, there is also a very significant amount in coke (and in most soft drinks).

So we have two ways of sodium getting into our bodies right now, salty popcorn and our soft drink. Why is this important? Sodium loves water. Or maybe water loves sodium. I don't know which it is. All I know is that if you see sodium go to the park, water follows right along and goes to the park too. Or maybe it's that sodium goes to the park and loves water so much that he brings water along with him. And they go to the bank together, and the gym, and to the movies, and grocery shopping, and they go down slides together, and they have nerf gun fights. They really, really like each other, whatever the relationship is.

Anyway, sodium is readily absorbed into the body by the small intestine (specifically in the jejunum). So as sodium is leaving the small intestine, it says to its buddy water, "Come with me, it'll be fun!". So water, being the great molecule it is, follows its pal sodium into the body. (There are plenty of other molecules that bring water into the body with them, like glucose, but today our big focus is on sodium)

Now we just talked about how much sodium we take in at the movies - a lot! All of that sodium pulls in all the water from your intestine into your blood along with it. Now you have an influx of fluid into your blood stream. And this is no turn on the faucet, and fill up a water balloon flow, this is open up the fire hydrant and fill up that same water balloon flow. The good news is that your body knows how to deal with this sort of conundrum. Your body knows that exploding from too much water coming in is a bad thing. And while there are a couple of different response systems, since I just got done with cardiology, we will talk about how the heart response affects things.

The heart has stretch receptors inside of it in a portion called the atrium. These stretch receptors do exactly what they sound like, they alert the body when they are stretched. And the only normal way they get stretched is when excess fluid comes in the heart and pushes up against them. When these receptors get activated, they send out a signal called ANP (Atrial Natriuretic Peptide - atrial = atrium, natriuretic = sodium, peptide = signaling protein). ANP travels by blood to the kidneys where it tells the kidneys to get rid of sodium. The kidneys send sodium into the urine. And like we talked about earlier, wherever sodium goes, water likes to follow. So we send out a ton of water into our urine. The bladder fills up rapidly and then you feel like you have to pee. This will continue to happen as long as the heart feels stretched enough to send out ANP. Or basically until you stop cramming your face with salty popcorn and sodium-filled soft drinks.

So how can we prevent this, or at least lessen the effects of this? The obvious way is to not eat salty popcorn or drink soda. Bam! Problem solved.

But if you are like me, and you love your movie treats, then there are other ways. The first is to limit the salt on your popcorn and drink a soda with less sodium in it (a good rule of thumb is clear sodas have less sodium, colas have more, and diet sodas have more). Or you could try eating a fatty meal right before you went into the theatre. This would slow down the whole digestion process and possibly delay the water absorption for long enough that you could finish your movie in peace. Of course you would suffer for it later, but we aren't dealing with that here. We just want short-term results. Another option is to have a folley catheter inserted, then you could just have your bladder drained while you watch. You could drink 3 or even 4 sodas and have like 20 bags of popcorn and not have to run to the bathroom once.There is the possible complication of a urinary tract infection or other worse things (much, much worse) but it's an option to keep on the table.

The last option is Depends. A pair of adult diapers is both practical and beneficial. I don't know about you, but I usually end up freezing in the movies and it wouldn't be a bad thing to have some extra warmth mid-way through.

However you solve the problem, at least now you know the physiology behind it.

(Also, sorry for the boring stock photo at the beginning. I just couldn't find anything funny that fit and wasn't too inappropriate. So here is a funny pic that is somewhat inappropriate and has nothing to do with the post)

Guess who? It's me!

After a month long hiatus, it would appear that I feel like writing again. Or maybe it's that my creativity reservoir is bursting at the seams and is threatening to destroy me if I don't find an outlet. I think we will find over the next few days that is simply not the case. Creativity is not my strong suit. My brother got the artistic, good looking, athletic genes, and I got... personality? And really, let's face it, he has way more personality than I ever will. But I can do one thing, I can write. Yes, my strong suit is something a monkey can be trained to do, but you gotta hold on to what you can.

The real reason I'm back is because I'm finding that I need to have some goals this month. While I do get to have the month off in anticipation of my daughter being born, she hasn't come yet and quite frankly I'm a little bored. And so I turn to the web. Sorry.

I have a great Physiology Friday post for tomorrow all about urinating. It's pretty awesome. Stay tuned. Also, I have been collecting funny pictures for the past month, so I haven't been too lazy and I do plan to share these daily. And finally, marriage posts, medical stories, and other things that interest me will continue to appear on a daily basis.

Seems like a good idea

Worst liar ever

Dinosaurs aren't good climbers

It's too late to apologize

I worked hard on writing a lot of new content this weekend. Unfortunately I also went and saw Avengers twice. So I didn't get as much done as I should have. I also have a case presentation due tomorrow morning. So here's the dealio, a funny picture or two today. Tomorrow and Thursday will see Marriage posts and Friday Physiology is on like Donkey Kong.

Guess who

Twitter: more inane than Facebook

Bring on the science

I would totally watch this

Physiology Fridays: Warm Milk

Okeedokee, today is a big one and it may look a little daunting, but it will be totally worth it in the end. I pinky swear.*

Also, I finished this up last night around midnight, so if there are more mistakes than usual, sorry. I'm just too lazy to go through it all right now and proofread (but not too lazy to type this explanation apparently). Anyway, on to the good stuff.

My son was having some troubles going down for naps a while back, so drawing on my own childhood, I turned to a little medicine my folks used to give me to help me sleep: milk (some of you were probably thinking: vodka! Shame on you. Straight vodka is not good for kids. White Russians on the other hand...).** And low and behold it worked. So now before naps and every night before bed, we give our 16 month old a glass of warm milk to help him fall asleep. Could there be some physiology behind it?

People have been using warm milk as a sleep aid for millions of years. If I had to guess, I'd say it correlates with the invention of the microwave. So, probably for the last 2 million years. Before that, they used to just give each other a little smack on the head with a club to help each other sleep (Note: I do not in any way condone domestic violence). But why warm milk? Is warm milk just like a little kid needs his teddy bear to sleep? Is it more psychological than anything else?

There are two theories currently in play right now. The first has to do with proteins, neurotransmitters, the pineal gland, and biochemistry. Big words. But it's not too complicated. So let's break it down.

Remember the pineal gland from back in high school? Probably not. I can barely remember what it does and I'm gonna be a doctor one day. The pineal gland is in charge of keeping time in the body. It does this through a hormone called melatonin (not to be confused with melanin which is in charge of skin color). Melatonin levels are high at night and low during the day. High levels tell your body it's time to sleep and low levels tell your body it's okay to be awake. So if we could artificially increase melatonin levels, we could trick the body into thinking it is sleepy time.

Now for some biochemistry. Melatonin is made from serotonin, which is really a cool hormone and will probably be a topic in the future, but for now, nobody cares about it. Except, that serotonin is made from a protein called tryptophan. So to summarize, tryptophan leads to serotonin which leads to melatonin which is how your body tells time.

When you warm up milk, it releases more tryptophan. So the theory goes that taking in excess tryptophan leads to increased melatonin. High melatonin then makes the person sleepy. While this works on the surface, and may play a small role, it does have some physiology issues. Tryptophan needs high amounts of insulin to cross into the brain. Insulin comes about when the body sees lots of sugar. Drinking milk shouldn't normally cause the high levels of insulin needed for a huge influx of tryptophan into the brain. So for milk to work, a bunch of carbs should be taken with the glass to help stimulate insulin and thus help melatonin cross into the brain. People don't usually load up on sugar right before going to bed though. So this probably isn't the major contributing factor to the sleepiness.

The second theory gets away from the big words for the most part and is the one I currently subscribe to.

Here's what is probably happening. Whole milk has a lot of fat in it. We give our son whole milk, the Romans gave their kids whole goat milk, ancient cave men used to give their kids milk straight from the stegosaurus. Whole milk is probably best for this to work. It sits in the stomach for a little while because of the fat and convinces the body that a good full meal was just eaten and so your body goes into "rest and digest" mode. When the body goes into the "rest and digest" mode, it shunts blood to the GI system and away from the periphery, which includes the brain. When the brain doesn't have blood, it doesn't have oxygen. Lack of oxygen tells the brain to go into sleep mode. And voila! Sleepy time.***

This is a temporary situation though. The body won't be fooled by the milk for long and will eventually return things to normal. So if you are going to drink milk, do it right before bed.

For those of you looking for a nice neat summary, we probably have a combination of the two at play - tryptophan increases the melatonin a little bit and contributes to sleepiness, but the large glass of milk telling hour body to send blood away from the brain is probably the main factor. Either way, milk is good for sleep and now you have some science to back it up.

*Legal note: pinky swears over the internet are non-binding and should not be considered as a real contract unless actual pinky-to-pinky contact was made in the physical world

**Please do not give your children alcohol ever, even if it sounded like a good idea when you read it on a blog.

***side bar - this explains why you feel sleepy right after lunch when you head back into work. Most people grab a McDonalds or some other fast food high in fat. Your body thinks it needs to supply your digestive system with blood and it borrows from the brain's supply. If you were to eat a small meal at lunch and another snack a couple of hours later, you would probably find you are less sleepy and have more energy to make it through the afternoon.

Kobe doesn't pass

Oh Kobe, if you didn't come across so arrogant, I would probably like you better. I hope the Lakers lose.

(if you don't have a playstation, the square button shoots the ball)

Update

So my son, who is 16 months old, had blueberries for breakfast. He would smash them under his index finger while pretending they were crying out in pain. I've raised a sadistic tyrant.

Anyway, cardiology is keeping me running around early mornings and late nights. It's a lot of fun and my doc is amazing. Seriously, if you need a cardiologist, I would go to him, most of the nurses at Mercy Gilbert would choose him (according to a very informal poll) and he's where I would send my family if they have heart problems. But I don't have time to post regularly. The good news is, I almost have a Physiology Friday post ready. So let there be rejoicing in the land. My son may be a tyrant, but I'm a benevolent dictator. And I'm still in charge, for now.

Turn your head and cough

Oh life

Every night

That time of month...

Seems like a bad idea

Why? Just why?

Awwwww

I'm not sure if this is manly or not. On the one hand, it is Chewbacca. On the other hand, it's drinking milk and it looks like a baby. On the third hand, it grows up to be an alien that kicks butt with a crossbow.

Oh to be Brittish

Friends

I have a few friends who would do this for me.

Wednesday's Wedded Bliss: Communication

Quick update before we get into the good stuff. I started my cardiology rotation on Monday, and unlike OB, I have to work. A lot. But it's good and I'm happy to be seeing patients again. However, I have less time to create original content. So I'm going to attempt to do all my writing on the weekends and then parse it out during the week. Also, next week, my wife is going to help me out. We have some good stuff planned on what a husband need from his wife, and what a wife needs from her husband. It will be excellent. Don't miss it.

Now for the good stuff. Communication is huge in marriage. When my wife and I are on the same page, when we both are talking and discussing what is going on with us, life is a whole lot smoother. But when we forget to talk things out, or forget to discuss events, things go bad quickly. Tension builds, tempers flare, people die. Well, not the last one, but it gets ugly around here. So we work hard on communication.

My wife doesn't know it yet, but we are going to be starting something new in our marriage. In my readings, I came across a blog that had 5 questions for a husband and wife to ask each other every week. Without telling her, I have been trying to incorporate these questions into our conversations over the past couple of weeks. And it has been good, but now it's time for a full blown experiment. I'll let you know how it goes. For now, here are the questions:

1. How did you feel loved this past week?
2. What does your upcoming week look like?
3. How would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?
4. How would you best feel pursued in sex / intimacy this week?
5. How can I pray for you this week?

Pillow head

Getting up before 6 every morning for this rotation. My pillow is now my new comb.

Don't forget

Up!

Physiology Friday: How to tell if your are getting a viral infection

It's Physiology Friday again. I had to take a test this morning and it threw the whole day off for blogging. Sorry.

Anyway, on to the physiology. I was talking to a friend the other day and mentioned that I knew I was getting sick because all of a sudden my skin got really dry and flaky. This friend looked at me like I was crazy. Not that I'm not crazy. No. That's a very accurate diagnosis. But that particular statement was actually based on, you guessed it, physiology.

Let's back up a little. First, you need to know something about your body. Your body is made up of cells. Bam! You just survived BIO 101. Some of these cells grow and reproduce quickly and some grow and reproduce slowly. Bam! Bam! BIO 102. This is the easiest class ever. Now if you are keeping up, this next point shouldn't be too much a stretch. The cells that grow and reproduce quickly need more energy. They are like teenage boys, always eating whatever they can get their grubby little hands on. Some of these cells can be found in your hair, in your GI system, in your respiratory system, and in your skin. They all need lots of energy to function properly.

When you get sick with a virus, the virus stages a hostile takeover. It comes inside the cell and says, "Stop what you're doing! You must make 5 gazillion copies of this beautiful me that you see before you." And since the cell is used to blindly following orders, it stops everything and goes into full on production of viruses. This takes a lot of energy. A lot. Of. Energy. Do you see where the problem comes in?

When only one cell is doing this, it's no big deal, your body has extra energy to spare normally. When there are a bunch of cells doing this, your body begins to run out of energy. And so the cells that need a lot of energy to function normally begin to suffer. This explains why your hair feels more brittle when you are sick. This explains why you might even notice your hair falling out more when you are sick. This also explain why your skin is dry and flaky when you are sick. Your body is sending crucial nutrients to cells making viruses and not enough to cells responsible for replenishing your skin. And there you have it, dry skin will often precede a viral infection.

It's physiology baby. I might have a little crazy, but I got me some science too.

*if you are really good at connecting the dots, you will see that this is why pregnant women often have clumps of hair fall out while pregnant and why they complain of dry skin - they have a baby sucking up all their energy.

Titanic

Wow. Two Titanic posts in as many days. I must really love that movie. Nope. Besides the fact THAT YOU KNOW THE ENDING GOING INTO IT, there's also the fact THAT THERE WAS ROOM FOR TWO ON THAT BOARD!!!

This is awesome

Personal space

I have had some situations in the past where this trick would have come in handy. Now I know...

Conflict and compromise in marriage

As I was putting together yesterday's list of reasons to not get married, I really wanted to talk more about compromise. So for today's Wednesday's Wedded Bliss post, we are going to talk about compromise.

As I mentioned before, compromise is a big part of marriage. Taking two people and joining them together is no easy task. It is especially difficult if neither is willing to do any give and take. What my wife and have found to be helpful is a simple way to figure out how important something is to us and then make compromises from there.

While I didn't come up with this compromise system, I am more than happy to take credit for it. Prepare to have your mind blown by how easy it is. First, both you and your spouse need to be able to count to ten. If you can't do that, you need to have ten fingers. If you don't have ten fingers, you may borrow some toes. If you still can't get to ten, find a different system. Next, you need a decision or conflict. There should be no shortage of decisions to make. Finally, you need a smidgen of honesty. Nobody likes a liar. With these pieces in play, you can compromise a little easier.

Let's take this made up conflict of where to hang a painting. I want to hang the painting in the living room because I think it's a neat piece of art and my wife hates the painting and wants to burn it in a fire. So we rationally talk it out. I rate on a scale of 1-10 how important it is to me to have the painting in the living room. A ten would mean that this is the most important thing in my life right now, and a 1 indicates that I'm so apathetic to this matter I'd almost rather watch paint dry while having my nose hairs plucked. In this case it's a four for me. My wife on the other hand says it's a niner. Yes, a niner. This is a big deal to her. This is almost as important as that time I tried to name our son Rufus. Almost.

Now here's where it gets tricky. Not really, I'm just kidding. I already told you this would be super easy. The next step is to just compare the two numbers: 9 is higher than 4. This is obviously very important to her. While to me, I want this to happen, but it's not a nine, not even close. My day won't be ruined if this doesn't happen. So we take the painting, dowse it in gasoline, and set it on fire.

What if we had both said 4? Then you flip a coin or something else easy. Neither one really cares a whole lot about the decision.

What if we had both said 9? Then it gets interesting. When that happens, you break out the dueling canes, first to draw blood gets their way. Seriously. This is the only way to resolve this type of high stakes issue. Make sure to wear goggles so you don't lose an eye.

The nice thing about the rating method is it allows both people to see where the other person is at. Sometimes I would push to get my way, even though it was a 4 for me, because I didn't realize how important the issue was to my wife. But when I know that this is something really important to her then I can better adjust my priorities. It's not a perfect system, but it has helped us out countless times.

Surgery first

Wednesday's Wedded Bliss article is coming soon. I have to go watch a hysterectomy. Updates soon.

There's a flood coming

My mom refuses to get on Facebook too. Hopefully she doesn't miss the boat.

Now in 3D!

Tuesday List: 8 reasons not to get married

While we have only been married for almost 6 years, we think marriage is awesome and we highly recommend it, with just a few caveats. So here they are, 8 reasons to not get married. Oh and kids, this one is a little more PG-13 than usual. Ask your parents if you can keep reading.

1) You aren't in it for life - part of the reason marriage has power is because it's a lifelong commitment. Part of the traditional wedding vows include the phrase "as long as we both shall live." You are telling people publicly that you want to be together forever. If you are only in it for a couple of years or even if you go in thinking, "I'm in as long as it's fun" then don't get married. If you are even thinking "I'm going to work really hard at this and gives it a chance." Marriage isn't for you. Marriage is a lifestyle that you jump into with both feet and submerse yourself in. A marriage built on doubt, with a foundation of fear - fear that at some point you or your spouse is going to mess up so bad that it will all be over, is not a healthy relationship. It must be built on trust - trust that you are both in it for life.

2) You aren't friends - when you are married, you are committing share life with another person. If you two don't get along, getting married is going to trap you in an awful situation. While getting married is awesome, getting married to someone you don't enjoy spending time with is awful. Don't do it.

3) You are already living together - for this group of people, marriage is just a formality. Is the reason you were living together first because you wanted to try the other person out, to make sure you could handle being with them? Now that you know the answer, what does a marriage certificate change? Are you more committed now that you have lived together? Were you seeing if you were "sexually compatible?" Anatomically, if one of you has boy parts and the other has girl parts, you are physically compatible for marriage. But maybe you wanted to make sure the other person had the same sex drive you did. From a physiology standpoint, that's baloney (bologna?) As you go through life, both you and your partner will have different drives in response to so many things; stress, hormones, and life events will all drastically influence that drive. It will not remain a constant thing. If you live together before marriage, just keep doing what you're doing - you don't need marriage.

4) You aren't willing to make compromises. There isn't much to expound upon with this one. If you want to take two people and join them into one, new unit, then there must be some give and take.

5) You aren't willing to grow up - there are two aspects to this one. First, and this is usually an issue for the guys, you aren't willing to leave your mommy and make your wife your number one priority. When you marry, you commit to prioritize your spouse over your parents. Guys, this means that when your mom criticizes your wife, you must stand up for her. When your mom, tells you what to do and it contradicts what you and your wife have already decided on, you must say, "thanks for the input Mom, but we have already made a decision." It's not easy to do, but if you can't do it, then don't get married. The second part of this is that you must accept responsibility. Playing video games every day for 12 hours instead of working is no longer an option. (People who bash on video games are a pet peeve of mine. I am not bashing video games. Anything that reflects a lazy or entitled attitude can be the culprit - from working out 12 hours a day to the neglect of your family, to reading, to playing chess. All these things have their place, but once they become a priority over your spouse, they reflect a lack of maturity). Once you decide to become married, you commit to making your relationship with your spouse a priority. Spending excessive time doing anything else indicates your priorities are focused elsewhere, and you probably aren't ready to be married.

6) You don't share the same religion. This is especially true for Christians. Marrying someone with the intent to convert them is a bad idea and the Bible says don't do it.

7) You think marriage is going to be easy. Marriage is awesome, and it's a lot of fun, but it can be hard work some times. The problems you have before marriage are not automatically cured by a band of gold and some diamonds. You have to be ready to confront some difficult issues and struggle through them. It isn't always that way, but marriage is just like everything else in life - if you want it to be good, it takes work.

8) You or your mate is a zombie - this will not work. Marriage with the undead is just wrong if not downright illegal. Necrophilia (do not google) is just sick.

Comments are appreciated, but if you must use adult language, email my lawyers at mmm.lawteam@gmail.com. Your vitriol is always welcome in their inbox.

Call Jayne Cobb, a Mudder needs help

I remember getting the call from my dad just a few weeks ago, "Your mom has breast cancer." Drawing on my vast knowledge of medicine and doctorly ways, I knew just what to do. I got on Google. Okay, that's not entirely true, I first got out all my medical text books, skimmed half a dozen pages of notes and realized, Google is easier.

The initial diagnosis was DCIS - ductal carcinoma in citu. It's a very treatable cancer in the breast that has a good prognosis. If you have to have a breast cancer, that's the one to have. Or so I thought.

My mom just got done with her first surgery and the new pathology report came back a little differently from the first. According to the biopsy sent for review, my mom actually had Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. "Eek." I thought when I first heard the new diagnosis. That sounds bad. And it is. Unless it's in the breast. You see, normally it affects the salivary glands and when that happens, it is bad news bears. But when it is found in only the breast, then it has an excellent prognosis. In fact, there is no medical literature that records any deaths from ACC. So we went from DCIS, which is pretty good to have, to ACC which is really good to have.

My mom's doctor is excellent. She is a sturdy, hold nothing back, Scottish woman who eats cancer for breakfast. Actually, that's a little weird. I doubt she actually eats cancer with her eggs and toast. But when I saw her, I was reminded of Mel Gibson with his face painted blue, riding a horse towards the English army and calling over his shoulder in his thick accent, "I'm off to pick a fight." I think she hates cancer as much as she hates the English. So I'm glad she's on our side.

However, we aren't in the clear yet. She still has another surgery and then radiation to follow. Just because there are no recorded deaths, we don't want to mess with cancer.

If you want to follow along with my mom's story, she recently started a blog. She hasn't put a lot up yet, but she plans to chronicle her journey there. I'll continue to post updates on here as events warrant.

Litter

Volleyball

I played volleyball in high school and we had to fight for our right to not wear little shorty shorts. Play basketball instead.

Ginger

One of my best friends has red hair. And I still hang out with him. But seriously, having red hair is not a recognized medical disability and is no reason to make fun of someone. With that being said, here is another ginger post.

I've always wondered about this

Life in L&D

Last week of my OB rotation. I might be going a little crazy with cabin fever. Most of the time I spend the day doing a lot of hoping that something will happen. While the deliveries have been fun and exciting, I really dislike the unpredictability of it all. If everyone would just have scheduled C-sections, the OB life would be great. Of course, there is a higher morbidity and mortality risk with C-sections, so that's probably why that strategy hasn't taken off yet.

I delivered a placenta on Friday. That's kinda like delivering a baby, except nobody minds if you drop it a couple of times.

There will be an update to Friday's Physiology post a little later today as I feel I need to clarify some points and answer some questions.

Keep them mute

This is why animals shouldn't talk. This is also why some people shouldn't talk.

Math

Coincidence?

Why the Unicorn is Extinct

A little OB humor for you today...

Physiology Friday: HCG

So the goal of Physiology Fridays is to explain things we see in our every days lives a little less hocus pocus and a little more sciencey. Today we are gonna talk about HCG injections and their role in weight loss.

For the longest time, I thought injecting yourself with HCG was complete and utter nonsense. While I still feel that way, at least now I can see that there is science behind it. So get prepared, the physiology is gonna come fast and furious today.

First we are going to get crazy and split up HCG into two parts. We will call them alpha-HCG and beta-HCG. Hopefully you are still with me so far.

A lot of people have heard of beta-HCG - the "pregnancy hormone". This is the hormone that we are looking for on a pregnancy test when a woman pees on that little sticks you buy at Walgreens. Fun fact: they all look for the same hormone, so buying the $40 stick doesn't work any better than the one bought at the dollar store. But I digress.

Alpha-HCG is kinda like a jack-of-all-trades. He looks a lot like a number of other hormones the all human bodies produce and can do their jobs too (for those of you keeping track - FSH, LH, and TSH). This is why we don't measure alpha-HCG for pregnancy tests. Dudes would be testing positive for being pregnant. And that's not right. So since alpha-HCG can do the jobs of these other hormones, scientists decided to take advantage of that and put alpha-HCG to work.

One of the hormones alpha-HCG can mimic is TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone). TSH tells your thyroid to secrete more thyroglobulin. Right now, you're probably asking yourself, "Who cares?!!" But let me tell you, thyroglobulin is important. One of the things it does is produce T3 and T4 which raise your BMR (basal metabolic rate). This means that it tells your cells to burn energy faster. A faster energy burn, means you go through more energy in a given time. If you can control the amount of calories you take in, your body will have to search for other places to get energy - and voila! You break down fat.

So that's the theory. Does it work? It seems the answer is a resounding "We don't really know." None of the studies I found were very good. Some didn't take into account long-term effects, and some were just downright wrong. Which leaves us with the question, "Should I use HCG as part of my weight loss program?" If you have a few extra bucks and are willing to live life on the wild side where you inject your body with foreign substances, then that's up to you. Just don't come complaining to me when your pregnancy comes back with a false positive...

*A couple of web sites claim that HCG is responsible for decreasing mom's use of sugar during pregnancy so that there is plenty for the growing baby. They claim that it works the same way in this weight loss program. While this is partially true, HCG may have a small effect on lowering sugar use, this is a very small benefit at best. The hormone they are really talking about (whether they know it or not) is HPL(human placental lactogen). HPL directly antagonizes the effects of insulin so the cells in your body (except for BRICKLE) cannot take in sugar. This leaves more sugar for the growing baby to use. HCG's primary weight loss effect is due to its ability to raise the BMR as a result of its mimicry of TSH.

Do it...

Catholics vs. Presbyterians